Sharing Wisdom #5

yoan (admin)

Long time no see! And I hereby greet you with my wisdom, as I am very very wise for my age *nods wisely*

Also because I haven’t been doing anything worth mentioning for such a long time, that I get time to actually think of all this shit by playing smartass; observing stuff happening around me. And to me. You’d know which one’s which.

  1. Besides reading, everyone should know how to drive.
  2. Human may make plans…but it is the Mothers who decide.
  3. Let’s take a moment to seriously think about number one. Especially if you happen to be from the male part of world’s population.
  4. What you give is what you get in return; be nice.
  5. What you give is what you get in return; wait long enough.
  6. Everybody remembers a friendly individual. But it is a well-mannered individual that everybody likes.
  7. The grass is only greener on the other side if you happen to posses a really depressing mindset.
  8. Gender equity is when a woman behind the wheel gets off with a simple smile.
  9. You are not reduced to a sexual object. You are reduced to not being seen as one.
  10. People are scared of hospitals the internet now that they put people in jails because of what they write.
  11. Stephen King’s “The End of The Whole Mess” rocks my socks! A nonviolent world doesn’t mean it’s a survivable one.
  12. Pause to think.
  13. Again, about number one.
  14. Let’s not label people. Not all blondes are such a bimbo, and not all brunettes are smart. Hint: Manohara.
  15. (To Mr. Colson, I wont fight you about Papua.) And whatever you might have heard of Jakarta is also true; the traffic jams are really THAT bad.
  16. One more time for number one.
  17. It’s refreshing to see someone who doesn’t care about how they look; be easy on the eye-shadow, dear..
  18. Congratulations to Titi Kamal and Cristian Sugiono; you practically shit in their mouth! I never thought I’d say this about the both of you on the internet (considering, well, one of them is Titi Kamal), but YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! I am very grateful because the two of you have given hope to relationships that are struggling because of religion issues.
  19. It may not last forever, but who made up the rule that the best ones does?
  20. If in order to finally get your apple wagon to hit that star you must do something mind-torturing, remind yourself every now and then that your boyfriend is soooooo going to have to buy you a fantabulous diamond ring one day!
  21. Always bring extra copies of your ID card. You never know when you might need one.
  22. Julia Andrew smiles too much, and I ask too much… but let’s not judge.
  23. When two completely different advices collide in your head -stop thinking. And act all Nike-ty; just do it!

a link to Sharing wisdom #4, a link to Manohara’s drama, a link to an article aboout Pamela Andersons’ breats reduction (because why not?).

why do wasting time always gets a bad rap?

yoan (admin)

The problem with unemployment is you actually have time to over-think things. Although you acutely understand that nothing good can come out of such brain activity. Or any brain activity, one would like to think. Well perhaps weight loss, in some cases, definitely not mine, as I prefer ice cream than therapy (because it’s cheaper and you don’t have to make an appointment).

A friend of mine once said that if my brains had foot, they’d run away from me. I think of way too many things. The perfect perbandingan would be (what’s perbandingan in proper English?); the total amount of the thoughts I have running like crazy in my head is equal to how much time you spend on facebook or yahoo messenger. Or your hair.

And because I am an awesome multitasker (is that even a word? Or is it multitaskist?), I can think of 5 different topics and focus on all of them at the same time! And this is actually a contradiction towards my own personality. (??) Well, I’d like to think that I am as hot as Elisha Cuthbert in Girl Next Door who just ‘goes with it’, and I do tell people that. (To just go with things~ Not tell them that I’m hot. lol.) I recall a guy telling me how much he thinks that it was very cool of me not to think much and just dive in a situation. That must be the nicest thing someone has ever said to me. And ironically, it’s not even true. It’s not that I don’t think much. It’s that I DO too much of it that it jams the system in my brain causing me to act neurotically, which some people might take as impulsive. Does that make any sense to you? I was like, “should I really put my thoughts into sentences and load it on the internet?”, because that’d only justify how much I never really make sense. But then I guess a blog is a pretty good tool for publication, you know, you can use it to declare things and explain yourself, which you don’t really have to do by the way. But I’m doing it anyway, this late, it’s almost 5 a.m in the morning and I haven’t slept all night!

A friend told to stop thinking of too many things and just focus on one specific thing that really matters. That must be the dumbest (again, does that vocab even exist? Or should I just rephrase it to “most moronic”?) piece of advice in world history! It’s like telling someone to only floss the teeth that they want to keep.

I just had a fight with dearest boyfran. It would be a lot easier if the fight was physical. You know, with big red boxing gloves and all. Because then I’d only need one hit from him to make me cry –because I am sure it would hurt like hell-, and he’d stop fighting in an instant. Yes, girls usually love arguing because they usually get to be the one that wins. But in our case, it’s much more complicated than that because the girl here happens to be me. Even winning isn’t satisfying enough! And I can’t really tell you why because I’m my own enigma. Just sympathize the dude that has me as a girlfriend because what chance in hell does he have in understanding me when I don’t even get myself.

I should really stop all this Emo tunes in my head and start acting like every other girl in this universe; perky. I guess if you fake an attitude long enough, it’ll become your character. Like the wiseman said; fake it till you make it!

PS. It might help if I start listening to Beyonce, right?

PPS. I heart you.

* while wasting time, I edited this picture I took of him with my cellphone centuries ago~ Hope you like it =)

Hate is a pretty strong word.

yoan (admin)

I hate illustrations. And hate is a pretty strong word.

My final paper (and I still feel weird biological urges in my stomach everytime I journey back to those ‘dark ages’, and by that I meant when I was having a hard time finishing my final paper) required some reading about an also very dark time in the human history; the Holocaust. I bought plenty books about it, one of which was this colorful history book with lots and lots of illustrations on almost every page. It’s safe to say that the book had more pictures than text. With the purchase of those books, I also bought lots of medium size post-its which I later use to cover each and every illustration displayed on the book so I wouldn’t get goose bumps while reading it. And it’s mainly because the pictures are severely heartbreaking. Also, I am secretly afraid of almost anything not human that has eyes on them. I walk fast when passing those butt-ugly animal machines the malls have for children to ride. Let alone clowns and mannequins.

And trust me, you don’t want to take a book about Holocaust when you go to the little girl’s room. Nothing is more frightening than having Hitler’s eyes staring at you as you go for number two.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. Not the “the world doesn’t understand me” kind of Emosomnia drama (Emosomnia is my way of saying Emo Insomnia, also was my attempt of being seen as creative and funny). It was more of a “I have no friggin idea why” kind. I became to get really angry at anyone that comes through my mind because I was (seriously) wondering how could they sleep unknowingly I can’t sleep? Well, it didn’t sound as stupid in my head last night.

Having absolutely nothing to do, and acknowledging how it is very dangerous for me to be alone with my own thoughts (that’s exactly why music was created, right? So you wouldn’t be left alone with yourself when you drive alone at night), I then decided to go look up my condition in the Modern Psychopathology Encyclopedia that I haven’t open in ages, if not ever. Why I even own one is something I absolutely didn’t plan on. That sentence could’ve been the start of something more interesting if only wasn’t followed by, “Well, I accidentally spilled juice all over my friend’s book so I had to buy a new one for her”. You see, I wasn’t planning on being mental. I just spilled juice one day and the next thing I know I have OCD! *stares meaningfully* Well, the symptoms lead to that. But that’s not what I’m talking about right now.

As I was going through the pages, there it was! …. An illustration. Suddenly I felt like I was doing my final paper all over again.

I hate illustrations. And hate is a pretty strong word.

besides for the fact that RDJ is in it, this is why I love “Tropic Thunder”

yoan (admin)

First, take a big step back… and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don’t know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you’re trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you’re thinking, you’d better think again! Otherwise I’m gonna have to head down there and I will rain down in a Godly fucking firestorm upon you! You’re gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I’m talking about a scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!

if you saw how I laughed the first time I heard that line, you’d laugh at my complete lack of grace!

if not terrified.

the little things in life that reminds you to smile.

yoan (admin)

How a little girl can euphorically attack a chocolate donut.

this “dear diary” will bore you.

yoan (admin)

Everytime I start with “not much has happen” whenever I finally write again after a few weeks absence, the post always end up being too long. This time, I’ll open with “plenty” so you’d get head ups on how much this post will bore you.

Plenty has happened. I lost the remote control so I couldn’t immediately change the channel when titi kamal’s single hit was playing on TV. I hate her for making me go to bed at night wondering how she could ever claim such song as a hit.

What else… what else… I swore I had so much in mind that I wanted to share here, but then a friend called talking about her day at WERK and it totally jammed whatever system I have in my brain that controls the balance to stay sane. I feel very much envious of her just for having a job, even when it’s something I honestly wouldn’t take.

And that’s exactly what my problem is; I am too much of a hopeless romantic that I extremely believe that one should only work at the place one’s most passionate about. I sincerely don’t mean to brag about it, but I have turned down two offers from two well-known companies, one of which even has a very good reputation world wide, mainly because I am still very much hoping for an opportunity I know thousands even millions job-seekers are dreaming about. The other reason is the ridiculous amount of money I am obligated to pay if I resign from the company before a certain period of time. And by ridiculous, I mean RIDICULOUS. I could buy myself a villa in Ubud Bali with all those zeros!

And I am beginning to think that it’s a mistake; to turn down the offers, and to share the story on the internet, making it look like I am trying to emphasize on how much of a snob (and a retarded kind of it) I am. So the next time a door opens, I will enter it in a heartbeat! And if ever that dream-opportunity later on presents itself, I’d just… kill myself. In a heartbeat.

A few weeks ago were my birthday. I am usually very excited about birthdays, especially if they are my owns. But this year’s birthday presented its evil self with an achievement-panic attack. I started to get attacks from series of deep-thoughts.

And trust me you, no good comes out of over-thinking things. That’s why I find it easier to be an emo and just whine and sob about it than actually thinking of a way to kick out the misery. It’s also easier when people take you as a perky naïve blond. That way, whenever a crisis occurs, you could just step out side and go staring on shinny things that blinks like stupid, and people would just let you.

It’s also easier to have a blog. Whenever you feel like breaking someone’s heart, you could just post a good bye note on the internet! You could also make it look like you’re the little cute piggy that the big bad wolf has been picking on. Even so, the big bad wolf sincerely hopes the piggy doesn’t catch swine flu.

I don’t trash people on the internet. (Ahmad Dhani doesn’t count). I have a blog because it saves trees.

Moving along to a warmer subject, Andro sent me two gigantic cakes (see pictures of it on my flickr page) for my birthday, and also for our anniversary *big grin*. Unfortunately, both of the cake made my fridge go down because apparently they used too much of space that it actually blocked the circulation blab la bla have no idea what the repairman was talking about. And because one of them is an ice cream cake and the other one is sort of like crème brule, only with liquor in it (for real), it can’t be kept too long in open air so I cut them to big pieces and gave them away to be the neighbor’s problem. But I LOVE the surprise! It shows how he wants to stick around, even when we’re thousands of miles apart.

My poop excuse for a bestfriend, Egan, also orchestrated a surprise party at Priska’s house. We spent the night eating cake and having this lovely conversation about –be prepared, hold on to something– WERK. lol. It seems that we just can’t escape that topic even if we try our asses off. And in between the oh so lovely conversation, we did have some pretty good laughs. So thanks guys! And I also thank Dwika’s cruelness in turning my emo-raging moment into a birthday present. Lol.

My awesome dad bought me new lens, and I didn’t even ask for it and it wasn’t my birthday that day. I have been experimenting with it a little, while waiting for my parent’s plane to land, as I arrived two hours too early at the airport to pick them up. I was too worried about being trapped in a killing traffic jam (you know how Jakarta could kick the saint of you, and I was planning on being a good girl this year so Santa would actually be nice), so I thought leaving two and a half hours early would be smart thing to do.

Ah I’ll continue this later, if not ever.. Off to sleep now.

PS. My boyfriend’s a true geek and he doesn’t even know. He has been talking for hours about NASA; naming the astronauts –even the one that didn’t get to set foot on the moon because his job description was only to maintain communication with earth from inside the spaceship (I’d get grumpy if I were him), also about how they took off and came back using different methods, and he actually explained why! It reminded me of that time we were about to land at Jakarta and he managed to explain to me the exact procedure an aircraft must go through when it’s about to land. Not to mention his knowledge of the history of Java, (he can name all the tokoh perwayangan!), also names of mountains and all sorts of expeditions the human kind has been doing since ages ago –in details; what they found there, the names of the people that did the expedition what did they do once they reached the top, etc. Talk about all that reading and countless numbers of winning eleven matches…. I love that geek of mine! =)

PPS. I strongly suspect the dog carried the remote control out of my room. She has been acting weird around me lately, chasing her tail and all. You know how guilt can make you do stupid things just to make you appear so occupied that you just don’t notice there was anyone else walking into the room. That bitch. 

the space between us (read: LDR) lol.

yoan (admin)

Law of Attraction #2

yoan (admin)

I’ve known this quote since sometime in junior high I guess, but a friend of mine hadjust recently shouted it on facebook and I thought, perfect! this is the just perfect sentence to describe the exact emotion I am feeling towards this one specific issue. Some of you might find this beyond cheesy, but ah well, I really feel that I can relate to this cheesiness…

I want to work there more than an electron wants to be attached to a proton!

So help me God.

Sharing Wisdom #4

yoan (admin)

  1. No one sane would ever actually be jealous of three future hell ruler (that goes by the name Omen#1, Omen #2 and Damien) wearing butt-ugly tiger suits and dancing in a lame ass cage in a video clip that features Cinta Laura.
  2. …whatever they write in their blog.
  3. You know you’re a snob when you immediately burst out with laughter right next to the lady that had just asked the store owner, “ada blue jeans coklat?”
  4. A girl can never own enough lingerie. The fact that they will only use them now and then is entirely beside the point.
  5. When a girl sacrifices watching Hugh Jackman just to talk to you, she really likes you.
  6. Just because they never comment, doesn’t mean they don’t read your blog.
  7. Just because they don’t write in response, doesn’t mean they didn’t take it hard.
  8. Don’t assume, just ask.
  9. You can’t say your issue is bigger than someone else’s. You have no idea how much their personal struggle is affecting them emotionaly.
  10. If you think you had enough of dating, girl, you’re doing it wrong.
  11. Every girl, no matter how tomboy they dress or act, wants a pretty engagement ring.
  12. Especially the ones that doesn’t dress or behaves tomboy.
  13. You know you’ve been living in Jakarta for too long if you think that spending three hours to get to the mall on weekdays is acceptable. even, normal. and not debatable.
  14. If your blind date uses the word “lucu” in telling what she thinks of the movie KALA, run like your life depends on it. If her favorite movie is TITANIC, go kill yourself.
  15. Never ask your girlfriend who Aura Kasih is because ‘the guys’ think Aura Kasih is sexy. If you want her to think highly of ‘the guys’, ask for Adriana Lima instead.
  16. If you’re a guy, in your 30s, please don’t call your friends with, “Boss”. It’s insanely unattractive.
  17. If you’re a guy, in your 20s, never type MANTAP with a B. Or worse, with the number 4. M4nT4B
  18. If you think you’re shallow for worshiping Jessica Simpson, go to Jalan Palmerah Selatan nomor 22-28 Jakarta Pusat and look for someone with the name DANIEL.
  19. My friend asked me why girls have the tendency to love guys that treats them like crap. Allow me to let you in on a little secret: if you buy crap, you feel like crap. so start reading something other than cosmopolitan!
  20. People with bad spellings are most likely to have been educated in America. Absolutaly!
  21. People who corrects someone’s grammar in the middle of a conversation studies English in Indonesia.
  22. Real man never blames the situation (or even the ‘perfect lighting’) for his actions.
  23. They also don’t drink mineral water from a bottle with a straw.

image is mine, for more click here. and here for Sharing Wisdom #3. and here for more information about Dewi Perssik, because why not?

I think you have forgotten how acutely miserable I am, that you have mistaken my sarcasm as perkiness. Read this in sarcasm. By gawd.

yoan (admin)

Dear All,

You may pee on the words that I bold. (I feel ’so not loved’ *sob sob* for even having to explain the bits where I’m being sarcastic).

I had a muchly fun sunday with my bestiepoo, and another bestfriend of mine,, and another potential bestfriend ;)

I also had tea that tasted like crap. Not that I have tasted crap. Just that, if crap were to be eaten by anyone, gawd forbid, it’d prolly tasted like the tea I had for dinner today. Not that my dinner was just tea. Off course not.

I had just made myself look retarded, I know. Anyways, I second Andy Warhol! “Everyone should like everyone!” really. It has to be that way. it just has to. and if you don’t like a certain someone, then too bad. You’re not as cool as Andy Warhol. (??)

But if that person happens to be AD (you may think it’s Ahmad Dhani, but really, it isn’t. really), then it’s REALLY OK. really. it has to be that way, it just has to.

Because one of the requirements to be considered cool is to despise AD. And all his demonic offspring whom carries the name; Omen#1, Omen#2, and urmm, Damien. I hope Omen#1, Omen#2, and Damien would listen to their mother more so that they wont end up being a male chauvinist pig like AD, and they could just color their hair whore-red and wear a really classy tiger suit and dance in a really KEWL cage on video clips that features Cinta Laura, because that would just make me jealous.

Right now the word you are looking for is: ANYWAY,,,, I am dead happy of how today ended. so happy that I feel like telling you a tale, a fairy tale. gather round, gather round..

Once upon a time, lived a Princes with her fake plastic tree and her plastic green water can. The Princees loves Radiohead first album, Pablo Honey, but was ashamed to admit so. She told her friends she enjoyed ST 12 and Kangen Band instead. You know how far teenagers would go to get accepted. She was just fine until her cellphone rang. And I wonder who called, and I wonder why. What caused such an extreme mood change? urrmmmm maybe it’s the ceiling! yes,, it has to be the ceiling! it just has to! uh, or maybe the door-knob?? that has got to be it!! or maybe it’s the window?? or the dinning table?? or the grandfather clock?? or the tiger balm?? just the one. definitely the balm!

Random fact: I feel like drinking A&W’s root beer right now, and I have absolutely no idea why. Maybe because even in misery, I am lame.

off to beauty sleep now, because tomorrow is a big day! and you know it. That’s exactly why you escorted me to such a pleasant emotional state, right? you are like beyond awesome! you are my superman! woot woot!!

___

I think I have been loving you too much for our own good. Either it’s “I have been expecting too much from you” or “I have been thinking too highly of you”, I don’t know. I don’t want to know right now. I just want to feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel real loveee lalalaa (I don’t memorize the lyrics to Robbie Williams’ song much).

it’s Robbie Williams song, right? He is so full of crap. And I’m just saying this because I am high on anger sugar. I blame the teh tawar anget I had with dinner today.

At this very moment, I feel like I can relate to this.

yoan (admin)

Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it.

It makes you so vulnerable.

It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…

You give them a piece of you.

They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ or ‘how very perceptive’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love.I hate love.

(Neil Gaiman, “The Sandman“)