absolutely trash.

I enjoy making my “sharing wisdom” series because it’s easier than to actually write a whole paragraph about something. I like writing. but my writings usually suck. I’m still looking forward to the time where a word I use in a writing could send a reader to the dictionary.

My wisdom-sharing series is a whole lot easier to write, because I get to keep those random thoughts totally random; I put them down in points where they don’t have to connect from one number to the other. I don’t have to make a paragraph out of it, and I don’t have to make sense at all. that’s the thing I love most about the internet; you don’t have to make sense.

where I work, hell with fluorescent lighting, forces me to make sense. Thou shalt not do what thy have no passion for. note for the fresh-grads: remember that the next time you whine about unemployment! at my work place, I have to make sense, even when they don’t! It was much much easier when Andro was around. I get to meet up with him everyday, I’d rush to the place we agreed to meet right after work, sometimes he picks me up when the traffic isn’t moral-killing (makes you swear a lot-red), and whatever shit that was going on in the work place, suddenly doesn’t matter. I know what I had just lay down in words might cause constipation or the taste of puke in your throat, but it really doesn’t matter. With him, I feel like make sense. (yeah we fight a lot, but hey, argue hard love hard, right?)

It’s really cruel of you to leave me here. you know I hate crowds. god I miss you.

I cried today. Partly because of work. mostly because of the people at work. My boyfriend thinks I worry too much of what others think -which is silly, because it seems like they don’t do it very often.

Another thing I like about making those widsom-sharing series is that I can grab other people’s experience and make them my own! MWAHA!

True you can learn from your mistakes. But it is also true that you can learn from others. Besides, to quote Chuck Palahniuk, “Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I’ve ever known.”

*thank you to Shenny, for reminding me how nice it feels to, quote, “peek on a glimpse of someone’s life”. looking forward to hear your stories. all of you. happy reading!

love, peace, and gaul. *SLAP*

1. “If I had an electronice chainsaw, I’d grab it” was Sharing Wisdom #6
2. Hate something bad enough that it’ll influence your decisions. The Grand Theory of FINDING OUT is for masochists.
3. Real man don’t use too many emoticons in one text message =P I find that to be true ^^ as it has been proven >,< I’m sorry if this hits a button T.T you get what I mean, right? ~,^’
4. Lecturers don’t like it if you change the time displayed on the classroom’s clock to make class end earlier.
5. Sane people would tell you to eat when you’re hungry. Only those who are insane who would tell you to dance when you’re thirsty or wash your face when you’re sleepy.
6. Regret something bad enough to get your misery published.
7. Say FUCK YOU! and really mean it. It will make your day!
8. You have a reason to scratch out your eyeballs or puke in your mouth then swallow it again if you see a facebook status that goes like “I love Monday like Garfield loves lasagna” or “Semangat Pagi!”.
9. Just because you’re an inconsiderate asswipe doesn’t mean you have the right to play lame-ass emo-disco like you live in your own tree house in the depth of the jungle.
10. People surprise you. Stay away from the good ones.
11. You should never be in the same car with someone who tells a story about how they cried their insides out seeing kids live in the street, while retouching her make up.
12. Aura Kasih can’t sing.
13. The girls that complains about the length of your skirt will buy the same skirt next month.
14. Not eating McDonalds for 3 months doesn’t save a tree; stereo foam aren’t made out of trees. Be smart, Hippies.
15. Go watch cin(t)a.
16. Girls who fight a lot with their boyfriends are actually dating the right guy. just with the wrong personality.
17. Aura Kasih can’t sing.
18. Laugh a lot. It works wonders.

Long time no see! And I hereby greet you with my wisdom, as I am very very wise for my age *nods wisely*

Also because I haven’t been doing anything worth mentioning for such a long time, that I get time to actually think of all this shit by playing smartass; observing stuff happening around me. And to me. You’d know which one’s which.

1. Besides reading, everyone should know how to drive.
2. Human may make plans…but it is the Mothers who decide.
3. Let’s take a moment to seriously think about number one. Especially if you happen to be from the male part of world’s population.
4. What you give is what you get in return; be nice.
5. What you give is what you get in return; wait long enough.
6. Everybody remembers a friendly individual. But it is a well-mannered individual that everybody likes.
7. The grass is only greener on the other side if you happen to posses a really depressing mindset.
8. Gender equity is when a woman behind the wheel gets off with a simple smile.
9. You are not reduced to a sexual object. You are reduced to not being seen as one.
10. People are scared of hospitals the internet now that they put people in jails because of what they write.
11. Stephen King’s “The End of The Whole Mess” rocks my socks! A nonviolent world doesn’t mean it’s a survivable one.
12. Pause to think.
13. Again, about number one.
14. Let’s not label people. Not all blondes are such a bimbo, and not all brunettes are smart. Hint: Manohara.
15. (To Mr. Colson, I wont fight you about Papua.) And whatever you might have heard of Jakarta is also true; the traffic jams are really THAT bad.
16. One more time for number one.
17. It’s refreshing to see someone who doesn’t care about how they look; be easy on the eye-shadow, dear..
18. Congratulations to Titi Kamal and Cristian Sugiono; you practically shit in their mouth! I never thought I’d say this about the both of you on the internet (considering, well, one of them is Titi Kamal), but YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! I am very grateful because the two of you have given hope to relationships that are struggling because of religion issues.
19. It may not last forever, but who made up the rule that the best ones does?
20. If in order to finally get your apple wagon to hit that star you must do something mind-torturing, remind yourself every now and then that your boyfriend is soooooo going to have to buy you a fantabulous diamond ring one day!
21. Always bring extra copies of your ID card. You never know when you might need one.
22. Julia Andrew smiles too much, and I ask too much… but let’s not judge.
23. When two completely different advices collide in your head -stop thinking. And act all Nike-ty; just do it!

a link to Sharing wisdom #4, a link to Manohara’s drama, a link to an article aboout Pamela Andersons’ breats reduction (because why not?).

I hate illustrations. And hate is a pretty strong word.

My final paper (and I still feel weird biological urges in my stomach everytime I journey back to those ‘dark ages’, and by that I meant when I was having a hard time finishing my final paper) required some reading about an also very dark time in the human history; the Holocaust. I bought plenty books about it, one of which was this colorful history book with lots and lots of illustrations on almost every page. It’s safe to say that the book had more pictures than text. With the purchase of those books, I also bought lots of medium size post-its which I later use to cover each and every illustration displayed on the book so I wouldn’t get goose bumps while reading it. And it’s mainly because the pictures are severely heartbreaking. Also, I am secretly afraid of almost anything not human that has eyes on them. I walk fast when passing those butt-ugly animal machines the malls have for children to ride. Let alone clowns and mannequins.

And trust me, you don’t want to take a book about Holocaust when you go to the little girl’s room. Nothing is more frightening than having Hitler’s eyes staring at you as you go for number two.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. Not the “the world doesn’t understand me” kind of Emosomnia drama (Emosomnia is my way of saying Emo Insomnia, also was my attempt of being seen as creative and funny). It was more of a “I have no friggin idea why” kind. I became to get really angry at anyone that comes through my mind because I was (seriously) wondering how could they sleep unknowingly I can’t sleep? Well, it didn’t sound as stupid in my head last night.

Having absolutely nothing to do, and acknowledging how it is very dangerous for me to be alone with my own thoughts (that’s exactly why music was created, right? So you wouldn’t be left alone with yourself when you drive alone at night), I then decided to go look up my condition in the Modern Psychopathology Encyclopedia that I haven’t open in ages, if not ever. Why I even own one is something I absolutely didn’t plan on. That sentence could’ve been the start of something more interesting if only wasn’t followed by, “Well, I accidentally spilled juice all over my friend’s book so I had to buy a new one for her”. You see, I wasn’t planning on being mental. I just spilled juice one day and the next thing I know I have OCD! *stares meaningfully* Well, the symptoms lead to that. But that’s not what I’m talking about right now.

As I was going through the pages, there it was! …. An illustration. Suddenly I felt like I was doing my final paper all over again.

I hate illustrations. And hate is a pretty strong word.

1. No one sane would ever actually be jealous of three future hell ruler (that goes by the name Omen#1, Omen #2 and Damien) wearing butt-ugly tiger suits and dancing in a lame ass cage in a video clip that features Cinta Laura.
2. …whatever they write in their blog.
3. You know you’re a snob when you immediately burst out with laughter right next to the lady that had just asked the store owner, “ada blue jeans coklat?”
4. A girl can never own enough lingerie. The fact that they will only use them now and then is entirely beside the point.
5. When a girl sacrifices watching Hugh Jackman just to talk to you, she really likes you.
6. Just because they never comment, doesn’t mean they don’t read your blog.
7. Just because they don’t write in response, doesn’t mean they didn’t take it hard.
8. Don’t assume, just ask.
9. You can’t say your issue is bigger than someone else’s. You have no idea how much their personal struggle is affecting them emotionaly.
10. If you think you had enough of dating, girl, you’re doing it wrong.
11. Every girl, no matter how tomboy they dress or act, wants a pretty engagement ring.
12. Especially the ones that doesn’t dress or behaves tomboy.
13. You know you’ve been living in Jakarta for too long if you think that spending three hours to get to the mall on weekdays is acceptable. even, normal. and not debatable.
14. If your blind date uses the word “lucu” in telling what she thinks of the movie KALA, run like your life depends on it. If her favorite movie is TITANIC, go kill yourself.
15. Never ask your girlfriend who Aura Kasih is because ‘the guys’ think Aura Kasih is sexy. If you want her to think highly of ‘the guys’, ask for Adriana Lima instead.
16. If you’re a guy, in your 30s, please don’t call your friends with, “Boss”. It’s insanely unattractive.
17. If you’re a guy, in your 20s, never type MANTAP with a B. Or worse, with the number 4. M4nT4B
18. If you think you’re shallow for worshiping Jessica Simpson, go to Jalan Palmerah Selatan nomor 22-28 Jakarta Pusat and look for someone with the name DANIEL.
19. My friend asked me why girls have the tendency to love guys that treats them like crap. Allow me to let you in on a little secret: if you buy crap, you feel like crap. so start reading something other than cosmopolitan!
20. People with bad spellings are most likely to have been educated in America. Absolutaly!
21. People who corrects someone’s grammar in the middle of a conversation studies English in Indonesia.
22. Real man never blames the situation (or even the ‘perfect lighting’) for his actions.
23. They also don’t drink mineral water from a bottle with a straw.

image is mine, for more click here. and here for Sharing Wisdom #3. and here for more information about Dewi Perssik, because why not?

I know you will most likely to roll your eyes seeing the length of this post. But do read on, as this is not the 5.648.253.790 thread about Barrack Obama’s inauguration. So you wouldn’t have to shriek NOT ANOTHER ONE to your screen. This is another writing about wisdom, as I am very wise for my age *nods wisely*

1. Boys will be boys. The only way to change a guy is if they are wearing diapers. No matter how serious he sounds when he promised you to update the stupid ‘About Photographer’ page in your blog, he will not do it! So be your own photographer because girl-power is in again. I hope. Because it has been 3 years already since every friggin girly girl magazine shouts about environmental awareness while distributing their magazine wrapped in plastic and advertising about clothes that cost more than a breast-cancer surgery. So a different theme might do us all some good. Not that I don’t care about the environment, its more because I DO CARE, so stop telling us to fit in our clothes (because its supposed to be the other way around) by being echo-friendly (yes, vegetarians contributes less to pollution as they don’t cook meat, but dude c’mon…stop using the environment to get people buy your one 7 million rupiahs Anna Hinchmark’s “I’m not a plastic bag” bag while there are more than 7 million family in the world that can not afford proper education or health insurance!).
2. And about being your own photographer, I learn that choosing a camera is (sort of) like choosing a religion. Cos it’s something you will go with for the rest of your life. Unless you’re really loaded that you can experiment with not only the lenses. I’ve narrowed it down to Nikon, Canon, Sony, and Olympus (narrow what down?). But I haven’t decided yet which one will I ‘follow’. If going with my religion by birth, that’d be Canon, because Dad uses that. But dearest bf is also using Canon, and since he’s being such an amazing bf, I’ll probably just go with Nikon.
3. Character is what we do when nobody’s looking. So here’s what it would probably say about me in a dating column: She likes to clean, enjoys cooking, greets the neighbors, and will help an old lady cross over the road. The only thing wrong about her is her personality.
4. What do I do when I’m alone? Sharing Wisdom article three number four: Don’t share secrets on the internet. Your boyfriend wouldn’t like it. If only he visits my blog along with Stuck in Customs, National Geographic, Fotografer.Net, Flickr, and Facebook, then I would get what I was aiming for; annoyingly poking him to do what I want.
5. Leave some extra fluffy pillows inside your car in case you decided to do something stupid like camping in your car just to make a silly statement.
6. My boyfriend keeps getting weird and inappropriate late night phone calls from random chicks we both know nothing about that claims to know him from back in uni. I hate low pranks like this.. First, I know him well enough to know that he doesn’t give out his phone number or asks for girls numbers that he had just spoke with once or twice in the lounge or park or whatever. (seriously, he doesn’t ask. It made me nuts the first time we knew each other. But then he searched for my number on the company’s data bank *blush*) Second, he’s not from a circle of friends that uses disgusting terms in describing sexual activity. Third, you weirdos called him on the mobile number he uses for work-related matters, so you can’t possibly know him from uni since he uses a different number back then, the one not displayed in the data bank. so girls, get a life! aim higher! leave us alone! Sharing wisdom number six; Place Julia Roberts as your role-model. Just recent, Julia Roberts shrieked those word, plus the F word (yes, Frozenyoughurt!) to a paparazzi. I heart her! She went hardcore like that because she was protecting her offspring. Aww.
7. Stop being delusional. To my dear people; Indonesians (ESPECIALLY CELEBRITIES!), PUH-LEEZE for the love of gawd stop all the ho-ha about the I’m-not-even-sure-he-remembers-it-in-a-heartwarming-way fact that Obama spent 2 years in Indonesia, going to blah elementary at Menteng, having an Indonesian step-dad (for blah years. Because yes, a divorce would have a special place in a kid’s heart). Stop being all mushy and sentimental about it, you anti-emo people that are more emo than an emo PMS-ing forty-something single! It wont, I repeat with capslock to dramatize it, WONT make Indonesian-American relations level up to delivering cup cakes and doggy or hamster-sitting! Who ever the superpower country’s president might be, even if magically Ahmadinejad becomes their president (I know, I sound stupid) THEY WONT CUDDLE US!! So deal with it, already!

Especially with the history of not being in favor, or even against (my gawd make up your mind!) some UN resolutions that America is in favor of, PLUS AFTER having those idiots in Makassar burning Obama’s photographs (the day after his inauguration was held) because he did not say anything about Gaza in his first presidential speech. I mean, DU-UH? You call yourself a uni-student? *SLAP!* according to the 2006 census in United States, one four its population claims to have Jewish blood in their veins, making American Jewish the first largest ethnic group in America! Thus, INFLUENTIAL, you delusional camera-whoring narcissistic!! They even have an American Jewish Committee and more than 50 other major American Jewish organizations that are under the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations, which base camp is in Israel. And since before the 20^th century, there has been a large number of Jewish Americans that played significant roles in the government. Name Carl Schurz, a German American who played a major role in Abraham Lincoln’s election, who later became US ambassador for Spain, and US senator for Missouri. How do I know all this? It was my final paper. Oh how I love using past-tense when talking about my final paper *GRIN*

Bottom line, Celebrities should just stick with a script. I mean, if you’re good at acting, then stick with it and try to make the best out of it by not speaking your own mind up (no script), as that will cause you your carrier! At first (and after reading an article that said he wants to be a war journalist), I thought Christian Sugiono was handsome. But then off course, he spoke.

Phew~ I haven’t wrote an article this long since “Why (some) Indonesians rarely buy original DVDs of Hollywood movies!”. I have waaaay too much time.

PS. I have nothing against the United States or The Jewry or Israel or Palestine for that matter. I just like to hit the capslock a lot. It’s an illness. Similar to OCD symptoms. And I wish Obama love and luck so that he could truly make a difference =) and for the better, that is.

For image source, click here, and here, and here. The last one is a joke. haha

I’ve posted a thread about wisdom before, as I am very wise for my age. *nods wisely*

1. Can’t sleep? Start working on your thesis. It works wonders!
2. Trying not to blog so very often (so that people will think that you actually have a life)? Commit to finishing your thesis. Voila! You get yourself a big fat blog.
3. When on phone, girls don’t like it when guys ask them why they’re so quite (because you know they’re reading something online) and just when she’s being chatty, you ask for permission to sleep. Seriously, in some part of the world, that leads to a bitch-slap.
4. If you are friends with someone who has (very) low self-esteem, try not to be the manipulative bitch you are when having lunch together with him/her by telling him/her what he/she should order (just because you want to have a taste and you’re not sure whether it’s good or not so you make him/her order it for you). He/She WILL want to have lunch with you FOR THE REST OF HIS/HER LIVE. And that wont always result in victory at your end. Trust me, people with low self-esteem could be REALLY ANNOYING. (Having to HAVE TO TYPE so many His/Her and He/She is starting to get into my nerves).
5. Guys, DON’T YOU EVER DARE GIVING THE SIDE-EYE when your PMSing girlfriend is pouring a tinsy bitsy more of the apple syrup for her pancake. Just let her get sugar-high. That’s safer than having her be on ‘normal PMSing mood’ anyways, right?
6. Slap your friend when DIA starts to say MAAF out of habit. It’s annoying. Go audition for Bajaj Bajuri.
7. You know your friendship is THAT deep when your friend BARELY apologize.
8. There’s no such thing as “the cool genre” when talking about music. If your boyfriend automatically sings to a folk song randomly played on the radio, then let him be. On food, however, there is. So if your best friend has never had the devil’s curly hair (Indomie telor kornet keju-nya PAK MOES), it is OK to post about it on the internet that he is not the man you thought he was. (I know Gan, I’m being annoying. I’m just REALLY MESMERIZED with that fact).
9. Never believe nor even think that you have “a type” when it comes to dating. You will most likely get attached to someone completely different.
10. When your needy PMSing girlfriend text you something annoyingly mushy, reply asap as if your life depends on it. or else her cellphone would turn empty batt when she’s not home.
11. No, baby, I’m not talking about you. It’s about a friend of mines with her boyfriend. Really. Seriously, I’m not kidding. Relax. It’s not about you. Trust me. Really.
12. This next few lines is directed to NINA, a very good and urm unique friend of mine. You know you’re in love trouble when you talk faster than me. No one sane and cute talks faster than me. So just answer his calls, already. He asked me about you through ym.
13. This is for u-know-who-u-r retarded friend of mine: You know you’re into someone when he’s completely unavailable or gay. kidding. (but not so kidding). “you know you’re into someone when you bring up his name at very random moments then call me a bitch for asking about him” (??)
14. Random: One of the security guard at my place is ganteng me’ten-teng according to adin and atri. I must say… they are telling the truth (with an exaggeration). Girls, his name is angga. I wasn’t planning on going out (as it was weekend, and sane people stay in on weekends), but I was really currious, so I went down on him stairs looking for him to ask him for my car keys because I need to get my sandals. and please don’t tell him you read it here. the things I do for my mates. gosh.
15. Andro, he’s nothing compared to you. or your arms. your shoulders. your back. your chest. and the abs… btw, have I mentioned your shoulders? oh, and your severe cheesiness ^^
16. You know you should spend some time out of Bandung when you complain about how long it takes to get to Paris Van Java from Ayam Goreng Suharti (Cemara).
17. If you’re currently in a relationship and planning to go eat at Pak Moes on a Saturday Night and play “What If” or “Marry, Fuck, Kill” game with your bestfriend that you haven’t gotten the chance to spend some quality time with, bring your cellphone. If you’re single, then, too bad.
18. You know you have to go to the bathroom when … it feels like it. So, enough for sharing wisdom #2.

ah-oh before I go, can anyone (preferably a cute IT geek, part time. full time ridiculously wealthy and has no idea about it. male. above 30) help me with the whole placing-picture-on-my-posts madness? Because no matter which box I check before uploading, THE IMAGES WILL ALWAYS APPEAR ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE POST AND IT’S STARTING TO GET INTO MY NERVES. SEE THE PICTURE??? I SET IT ON ‘CENTER’! -problem solved now, thanks to Michael Jubel who made me try change the theme-

PS. I freakishly miss my quirky boyfriend so bad! and it has NOTHING to do with that picture.

1. People in big cities don’t have time to go to the movies.

They work from 9 am to 5 pm, then later on (some) party from 11 pm to 3 am. And in between lays the torture of traffic jams. And FYI, living in a third world country, you need to get a tetanus shot before getting close to any public transportation, therefore you need your very own sterile vehicle although you have no knowledge whatsoever of berlalu-lintas. (I stand free from all prejudice as I was being sarcastic).

2. There aren’t that much of Indonesians that have the privilege of beauty sleeps.

That’s why we have such exotic skin tone. (Notice that Snow White sleeps a lot). Therefore, on weekends, when it’s almost impossible to get a parking spot at malls, or even get to the mall (think: Bandung!), we seek for the help of boring movies to help us sleep. Because, a large number of female Indonesian citizens MUST.GET.SKIN.LIGHTER (repeat the last four words like a zombie). They even brutally encourage it on commercials! They have gotten insane, Andre! Insane!

Besides, what could be more boring than Britney in Crossroads? (I swore I heard someone shriek “Jessica Simpson!” then add “In her daily life!”).

3. Regarding to what I wrote on the previous number -about attempting the impossible (read: getting to the mall at weekends), I must explain to you this: ALL OF our malls are located IN THE CENTRAL OF THE CITY! GROUNDZERO! That situation makes those who wants to be a good parent by driving their kids to school and the people that wants to get to work on time but still have the privilege of having a proper breakfast at home with their family needs to leave way too early because people that wants to go grocery shopping or swimming uses the exact same friggin way! Wouldn’t it be less stressful if you’re stuck in a traffic jam on your way back to the office after a lunch break because there are also a lot of fellow workers that wanted to eat lunch with their family at home and not because Marion or Chacha or Tazmanian Devil wants to go bra shopping?? Comprehend?, Esteban?

4. And the malls -each of all the 124 malls located ON THE CENTRE OF THE CITY- are ALWAYS CROWDED CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WE ARE A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY?  Excuse me, this is a disease, I just have to hit the caps lock button! It’s sort of like “Trigger Finger”, you know… (and Hamish asks, “does your medical condition sound made up?”). So yeah, going to the theaters is a luxury. Of time, that is. And for some remote areas in Indonesia, it’s a myth.

5. You need to deposit 1.500.000 IDR (equal to more than $166) if you want to be a member of a legal movie rental and rent ‘the good-citizen-way”. So I guess that makes it only logical for college students (yang adalah konsumen terbesar industri perfilman - I’m to lazy to think of the proper English for that, I apologize) to hit an illegal movie rental. Illegal as in they rent out pirated DVDs (but with outstanding quality! Or some might recognize as “KWsatu”). Such rentals are scattered all over a campus area. Which benefits the rentals because students also live around the campus area in what we call as “indehoy!” “indekos” or “kos-kosan”. (It’s sort of like we have to. Hint: how our traffic is).

6. Because it’s foreign, it’s imported. That makes these original DVDs kinda overpriced, you know… Because, seriously, why would someone pay 139.000 IDR (equal to around $15 *stares meaningfully*) to see Britney act all innocent and well behaved? Wait, I think that was a wrong analogy.

7. Peribahasa nila setitik merusak susu sebelanga maka mari kita curangi saja mereka. Read: Hollywood pushes that button, baby…

“Love Wrecked”. Staring Amanda cruella Bynes and her ‘spe-ci-al’ parents.

D for Dad, M for Mom, B for Bitch Bynes.

D: The temperature in Indonesia is 95

B: Why don’t you take mom to a real vacation? Like, maybe, a country with indoor plumbing? *SLAP!*

D: We get to be in nature’s belly; no cars, no phones, no worldwide web. Just the two of us…

M: Yeah, and nude beaches… *then both growls*

Another scene… through answering machine (which I also have in my house in Indonesia, you bitch!):

“You’ve reached the Taylors. Jenny’s in the Carribean. Ben and Bree are in the jungles of Indonesia. Possibly naked. Leave a message”.

It’s only OK to say “Asians will eat your dog!” if you’re Asian! That’s text book! *stares meaningfully* and we do have indoor plumbings! You would’ve known that if only your boobs weren’t so big!! Wait, I can’t say that. *looks down*

“Jumanji”. Staring Kirsten introducemetoabra Dunst and Robbin Williams. No middle name, I love him.

Patrol officer (P), Robbin Williams (R), anti-bra (K).

R had just gotten out of Jumanji he has been trapped inside the game for 26 years, he grew up in some magical jungle place, whatever. Here’s the scene where he was “let loose” in the 1995 neighborhood and a patrol officer ran into him.

P: You got some ID? Oh let me guess, you probably left it in your other Tarzan outfit, right?

R: 26 years?

P: Are you from around here?

R: I was, but I’ve been in Juman…

K: Indonesia! He was in the peace corps.

P: Is this man related to you?

K: Yes, sir. He’s our uncle.

P: Does he always dress like that?

K: Well yeah, he’s a vegetarian. (you smarty! Let me give you a bra for that! Wear it when you star “Crazy/Beautiful” in the future, ok?)

Indonesians have outstanding designers: Anne Avantie, Popy Darsono, Oscar Lawalata, Itang Yunaz, Ivan Gunawan. We dress sharply to office. We dress to kill when attending seminars. We wear ridiculously expensive outfits when clubbing. Bullshit. I don’t go clubbing, I volunteer in the girl’s scout on weekends. Double bullshit. But the part about our designers are true! So, K, maybe if you browse the internet you’d realize that we’re well dressed people. And who knows, maybe you’d finally find out about bras!

PS. Don’t take it personally, K. I still choose you over Maggie Gyllenhaal. Yeah, that bitch totally copied you on “Stranger Than Fiction”! But she wore a bra on The Dark Knight though. I love that movie. Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker was orgasmic!

“The Sweetest Thing”. Staring Selma Blaire and her boss. No middle names again because, urm, they don’t mean much to me.

Boss to Selma Blaire at the store: Dear God I had just left for five minutes and this place is already like Indonesia?

Have you been to each and every city in Indonesia other than Jakarta??

“Never Been Kissed”. Staring Drew Barrymore and her teacher. No middle name for Drew because I think she’s cool.

Cool Drew: I’m from Billy, I mean Bali. I’m from Bali. Our family raise sheep there.

My gawd this post is already too long! I’ll leave this one to “Open Interpretation”. Oh and, Bali is not near Indonesia. It’s in Indonesia!

Bottom line, be picky! And FYI, I do buy originals. That is if they are GHA-GHA worth it -in my opinion. I have the original DVD of Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, The Fountain, Big Fish, Neverwas, Godfather trilogy, KALA (an Indonesian movie which I have in both original VCD and original DVD format), Arisan, Berbagi Suami, etc. So if you ask me why I rarely buy originals (of foreign movies), well, I need to ‘review’ it first, you know… *grin*

PS. My dear Indonesian friends, bantu sineas tanah air kita agar sanggup terus berkarya dengan tidak membeli bajakan film Indonesia ya? Biar industri perfilman kita semakin maju!

PPS. I am not trying to portray the traffic (in most of the big cities) in my country badly. It is indeed how things are. Therefore, I am delivering facts *nods wisely*. But anyways, I will post something positive about Indonesia for you to focus, later on. you know, seeing the glass half full and all. Have a marvelous day!

Things I have learned. I am really wise for my age *lol*

1. Even guys don’t like it when you say, “oh it’s refreshing to see someone who doesn’t care abut how they look”. Never be honest when it comes to commenting new hair cuts.
2. Police officers don’t like it when you say, “mentang-mentang tanggal tua nih Pak?”.
3. NEVER LEAVE a girl ‘to cool down’. There are NO SUCH THING as COOLING DOWN!
4. If your boyfriend is in town, don’t joke about the bruises you got from sport to your mother. She will take it very seriously.
5. Don’t joke about your brother’s virginity to your mother.
6. Don’t joke with your mother.
7. Jangan pernah makan asinan bogor on an empty stomach.
8. Jangan pernah makan asinan bogor.

Image source: Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Comics.