absolutely trash.

.

The Man Upstairs wanted us to be happy. That’s why he created weed, junk food, and internet porn. (and Dewi Persik - because she’s just so entertaining!! woot! woot! And, well, she actually makes me feel better about myself…)

So go with french fries if you want a life time supply of loving from me, with a bonus of daily butt/boobs/younameit gropes from the kinky housemate of mine.

For those who’d rather have a yacht with their cheeseburger,, go join MLM! (Multi Level Marketing.ed) Because with MLM, it’s not just about getting a yacht… it’s about getting your very own PRIVATE yacht! a yacht so exclusive you cruise with style! Because why cruise with human beings when you can cruise with style? *blonde moment*

I mean, even the hands-down-TV-Superstar Joey Tribbiani doesn’t share food,, so why should you share a yacht? That would be as pointless as a zebracross, right?

Yes, you’re thinking what I’m thinking: Why invite those who slams their door right on your face and deliberately rejects your phone calls and never return your emails, right? those who pretend to not see you on the hallway, and immediately turn invisible on the messenger as soon as you buzzed, super right?

So go sail that yacht BY YOURSELF BECAUSE I COULDN’T CARE LESS, YOU ANNOYING MLM FLEA YOU! yeah, that’s how we see you, alright… like fleas; banyak dan menggganggu! di ulangi untuk efek dramatis- MENGGANGGU!

So the next time you ring my door bell, send me spam mails, terror my cellphone, or do all three at once… here’s what I have in mind:

Op.1

MLM (iamsofrigginannoyingitevenannoysdewipersik) wait, that’s too long.

MLM (RESE!): *rings bell* *rings bell ANNOYINGLY!*

Yoanita (I’m not changing my nick because my name is already pretty): *evil smug*

RESE!: Hey have you given enough thought on the partnership I offered you for the very special project I told you about yesterday? It’s really different from others, you see, you don’t have to do anything at all and in a month you’ll have enough money to buy an island in Dubai! All you have to do is find 2.324.567.098 friends to join! I know you’re wondering how could I afford this Prada Bag, right? I got it after joining this very-different-from-the-others business for only 2 days, 3 hours and 42 cents! (??) I’ll tell you all about it inside, c’mon..

Already Pretty: Have you ever played a game called Galaksin? No? Well, it goes like this: you try your ass off to pass my guard so you could get to the other side… kinda like what you’re doing now, you see… and I, well, I make sure that IT WONT EVER HAPPEN, YOU RETARDED MLM RETARD YOU!!

Op.2

Ask parents to play along…

RESE!: So have you thought about my offer? and hey,  urrmm,, what’s up with your mom there?

Already pretty”s mom: *shivering then growling then swinging back and forth, repeatedly while blankly stares at garden* (to make it more dramatic, play STING’s “Dessert Rose” as back sound).

Already pretty: Oh.. yeah.. it was because of an MLM she used to be all obsessive compulsive on.. turns out that MLM’s are all works of the devil so those who follow will never met Heaven’s door.. she got depressed because of that fact, then yeah as you can see for yourself…

Op.3

RESE!: Hi Yoan!

Already Pretty: Yoan’s in Bandung.

RESE!: hahaha… you should consider being a stand-up comedian for a living, you know.. *laughs ANNOYINGLY WHILE CLAPS HAND AND STOMPS FEET* (I know.. what sane person would do that, right?)

Already Pretty: And you should consider checking up your mental health because you’re delusional, I’m not Yoan.

RESE!: hahaha… you aaaaaar, silly!

Already Pretty: You may think I am, but I’m really not. Really.

RESE!: is it April Fools already? or am I on “MTV Boiling Points” or something? where’s the camera? You’re Yoan! She’s Yoan, folks! She can’t fool me… oh no you can’t, sweetie pie…

Already Pretty: You know, SWEETIE PIE, instead of a box of chocolate, I wish Life was just like Facebook, where I can DELETE YOU FROM MY FRIENDS LIST ANYTIME I WANT WITHOUT YOU BEING SEVERELY STUPID ABOUT IT YOU ASSWIPE GO AWAY YOU ARE KILLING MY BRAIN CELLS AND I AM JUST ONE STEP CLOSER TO SLAPPING YOUR INSIDES OUT! There. It’s really not Yoan, SEE?

Image Source: French Fries, Cheeseburger, Yacht.